There’s a little backstory here. Take a seat, grab a cup of coffee.
LGBT(QIAP)+, as you probably realize, is long, unwieldy, and often leaves marginalized peoples out. It also tends to fetishize the L, prioritize the G, criticize the B and forget the T+.
An alternative, GS(R)M was proposed. Proposed in 1966, it stood for Gender, Sexuality (and Romantic) Minorities, and it seemed like a great fit! Until people learned that it was coined by a pedophile, who also wanted to include cishet kinksters, pedophiles, and even rapists in the acronym, as well as other criticisms of the acronym itself. So that was obviously out of the question.
Then MOGII came along, but that one had some evolution. The original term was MOGA, for “Marginalized Orientation and Gender Alignments”. That was cool, but then people began to use MOGAI to include intersex folks who are often left out of important discussions (MOGA… and Intersex). Then it was pointed out that the “A” was somewhat unnecessary and allowed shitty allies a way to weasel themselves in. So, MOGII was born. MOGII stands for Marginalized Orientations, Gender Identity, and Intersex. It’s an excellent catch-all, uses no reclaimed slurs, and makes it entirely about the minorities.
"When I was about 20 years old, I met an old pastor’s wife who told me that when she was young and had her first child, she didn’t believe in striking children, although spanking kids with a switch pulled from a tree was standard punishment at the time. But one day, when her son was four or five, he did something that she felt warranted a spanking–the first in his life. She told him that he would have to go outside himself and find a switch for her to hit him with.
The boy was gone a long time. And when he came back in, he was crying. He said to her, “Mama, I couldn’t find a switch, but here’s a rock that you can throw at me.”
All of a sudden the mother understood how the situation felt from the child’s point of view: that if my mother wants to hurt me, then it makes no difference what she does it with; she might as well do it with a stone.
And the mother took the boy into her lap and they both cried. Then she laid the rock on a shelf in the kitchen to remind herself forever: never violence. And that is something I think everyone should keep in mind. Because if violence begins in the nursery one can raise children into violence.””
“I am trying to see things in perspective. My dog wants a bite of my peanut butter chocolate chip bagel. I know she cannot have this, because chocolate makes dogs very sick. My dog does not understand this. She pouts and wraps herself around my leg like a scarf and purrs and tries to convince me to give her just a tiny bit. When I do not give in, she eventually gives up and lays in the corner, under the piano, drooping and sad. I hope the universe has my best interest in mind like I have my dog’s. When I want something with my whole being, and the universe withholds it from me, I hope the universe thinks to herself: "Silly girl. She thinks this is what she wants, but she does not understand how it will hurt.”
- 1.Do you want a boyfriend or girlfriend?
- 2.When did your last hug take place?
- 3.Are you a jealous person?
- 4.Are you tired right now?
- 5.Do you chew on your straws?
- 6.Have you ever been called a tease?
- 7.Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
- 8.Do you cry easily?
- 9.What should you be doing right now?
- 10.Are you a heavy sleeper?
- 11.Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months?
- 12.Are you mad at someone right now?
- 13.Do you believe in love?
- 14.What makes you laugh no matter what?
- 15.Who was the last person you talked to?
- 16.Do you get butterflies around the person you like?
- 17.Will you get married?
- 18.When was the last time you smiled?
- 19.Does anyone like you?
- 20.Do you secretly like someone?
- 21.Who was the first person you talked to today?
- 22.Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?
- 23.What are you NOT looking forward to?
- 24.What ARE you looking forward to?
- 25.Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you they loved you, and meant it?
- 26.Suppose you see your ex kissing another person what would you do?
- 27.Do you plan on moving out within the next year?
- 28.Are you a forgiving person?
- 29.How many TRUE friends do you have?
- 30.Do you fall for people easily?
- 31.Have you ever fallen for your ex’s best friend?
- 32.What’s the last thing you put in your mouth?
- 33.Who was the last person you drove with?
- 34.How late did you stay up last night and why?
- 35.If you could move somewhere else, would you?
- 36.Who was the last person you took a picture of?
- 37.Can you live a day without TV?
- 38.When was the last time you were extremely disappointed?
- 39.Three names you go by...
- 40.Are you currently in a relationship?
- 41.What is your all-time favorite romance movie?
- 42.Do you believe that everyone has a soul-mate?
- 43.What’s your current problem?
- 44.Have you ever had your heart broken?
- 45.Your thoughts of long distance relationships?
- 46.How many kids do you want to have?
- 47.Have you ever found it hard to tell someone you like them?
“A short story is a different thing all together - a short story is like a kiss in the dark from a stranger.”
This is how you lose her.
You lose her when you forget to remember the little things that mean the world to her: the sincerity in a stranger’s voice during a trip to the grocery, the delight of finding something lost or forgotten like a sticker from when she was five, the selflessness of a child giving a part of his meal to another, the scent of new books in the store, the surprise short but honest notes she tucks in her journal and others you could only see if you look closely.
You must remember when she forgets.
You lose her when you don’t notice that she notices everything about you: your use of the proper punctuation that tells her continuation rather than finality, your silence when you’re about to ask a question but you think anything you’re about to say to her would be silly, your mindless humming when it is too quiet, your handwriting when you sign your name in blank sheets of paper, your muted laughter when you are trying to be polite, and more and more of what you are, which you don’t even know about yourself, because she pays attention.
She remembers when you forget.
You lose her for every second you make her feel less and less of the beauty that she is. When you make her feel that she is replaceable. She wants to feel cherished. When you make her feel that you are fleeting. She wants you to stay. When you make her feel inadequate. She wants to know that she is enough and she does not need to change for you, nor for anyone else because she is she and she is beautiful, kind and good.
You must learn her.
You must know the reason why she is silent. You must trace her weakest spots. You must write to her. You must remind her that you are there. You must know how long it takes for her to give up. You must be there to hold her when she is about to.
You must love her because many have tried and failed. And she wants to know that she is worthy to be loved, that she is worthy to be kept.
And, this is how you keep her.”